LIVING LIFE AS AN OUTSIDER AND FREE THINKER

Reaching a half century of age this past August, this landmark has created some self-reflection and a tinge of nostalgia for how this biological journey has developed up to this point. One of the things that has fascinated me over my 30 plus years of employment at over a dozen companies is that I can confidently say that my personality is NOT what employers want in terms of being the public face of their business. There is a physical, unbreakable brick wall I hit at every place of employment dating back to the late 90s. I have gotten promotions and raises for my knowledge of work, experience and sometimes, wildly creative ideas. If the company moves me into leadership, I can reach a team leader or supervisor position and be given permission to manage a time shift or small team. But once the word MANAGER or DIRECTOR is spoken, discussing promotion into that position causes the corporate leadership to disappear at light speed into empty nothingness. For over a decade, this really got under my skin. But as my own wisdom has increased and realities about the world become more apparent, I have come to understand a fundamental truth about myself. I am an outsider and free thinker. And if u understand how the business climate in the United States works, being an outsider is not what American corporations crave.
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I'm on the outside,
I’m on the outside now
This is where it all begins
On the outside looking in
Looking in at you
I'm just an alien through and through
Tryin' to make believe I'm you
Tryin' to fit
Just a stranger on the outside looking in

ON THE OUTSIDE: OINGO BOINGO

As the prophet Danny Elfman sang above in 1981, I have always been an outsider. Going back to childhood, my parents had me attend Catholic School from 1980-1988. I never felt like I belonged inside of church culture. Despite this, my personal morality, ethics and sense of righteousness did develop strongly during this time. This gave me a sense of naivety about the reality of the world (Which was kicked out of me in the 2000s) and a false sense of importance that the world needed to understand my vital and incredibly important point of view.

My rebellious streak started in high school. During this period, calling me a REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE but lacking the amazing James Dean pompadour would be appropriate. This rebellion was caused by a terrible depression. Because of this and my often-naïve positive outlook and trusting too many people who did not have my best interests at heart, I often found myself surrounded by the wrong type of friend or adult. One of the other interesting things was that throughout my entire childhood counting my Catholic school, high school and college years, I never had a mentor. Because many adults could sense my intelligence, they did not think guidance was necessary. This led to distrust towards authority figures who went against my own personal honor code. But my intelligence hid a lack of common sense which would not develop until much later in my adult years. My sense of moral righteousness got me into trouble many times during my high school and college years as my mind believed that doing the right thing often trumped respect shown to authority. This strong sense of righteousness is the primary reason for my failure to achieve leadership positions in the corporate world. No one who knows me would tell you that my leadership skills are terrible. In fact, many of my friends think I would have been an incredible manager. But the fact that I will question instructions from my bosses is just not allowed in a business climate that tries to eliminate any controversies or conflicts. So, understanding this flaw in my personality, do I regret my life as an outsider?

The answer is NO. Understanding that corporations and churches function as monarchical or dictatorial systems in our society, the pressure to accept the rules, structures, and logic of these institutions by pushing aside my ethical code was not something I could ever do. My mind has its own sense of right and wrong. There are a few things I will never do no matter how much external pressure is applied.

I will not kill someone for political reasons in a war
I will not hinder any individual’s personal and natural rights
I will not deceive other people out of their hard-earned money

But being an outsider and independent thinker also had its advantages when looking back at some of my most nostalgic moments.

Being involved in the grunge, gangster rap, goth, techno and swing dance scenes in the 1990s in Los Angeles allowed me to participate in the cultural zeitgeist that my group of friends helped push into the mainstream while it originated on the fringes of the culture.

The women I dated and the one I eventually had children with were all the black sheep’s of their respective families. All of them are outsiders.

This distrust of authority and my instinct of understanding that depriving people of their natural right of free movement and body autonomy was authoritarian made me immediately suspicious of Dr. Fauci’s intent (Later confirmed) back in March of 2020. This is what led me to reject the entire COVID narrative within about a month of the initial lockdowns. My partner and kids got NONE OF THE COVID-19 “VACCINES.” We often violated with impunity mask mandates and unlike many scared Americans, we travelled to almost a dozen states around the United States while many people around the globe were terrified to open the door to get their DoorDash order. As Google AI says about “outsiders”,

“Being an outsider can offer benefits like a fresh perspective, the ability to challenge the status quo, increased objectivity, autonomy, and the chance to observe situations without being caught up in group dynamics.”

This Experimental AI’s explanation of my personality is what I have become. My readers can either come along on this journey or disappear into the spiraling void like so many of my bosses did. The choice is yours. Because rebels, renegades and outsiders do change the world. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE was right.